catching rays

What is happiness?

Glimpses of heaven

in otherwise cloudy sky.

Pauline Brown 2019

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bogeymen

I was wrong.

The monsters I fear

do not hide under the bed

but in plain sight

smirking repulsively

as they casually erase

humanity.

Open your eyes

see how their fangs drip

with your blood.

Pauline Brown 2019

 

 

 

 

life as we know it

Mirror image,

juxtaposed in sadistic torment

mythical  garden of Eden

was never to be.

Wheels turn in agony

of 24 hour thrumming pain.

Marketers promised the earth;

reality speaks in forked tongues

the daily spew of what the fucks

add up to quite the image.

We have the world we deserve.

We walked right into the trap.

We consumed. We bought.

We borrowed ourselves into this mess.

Now it seems, destined to wallow

in epic disaster of our own making.

Pauline Brown 2019

 

 

 

 

one of us

She trills happily, then

a resounding purr

from within her soul;

a primal noise,

no words required.

We have embraced like this

since we met,

each finding solace in the other.

She breathes devotion

and I know without question

that cats feel love.

Pauline Brown 2017

 

 

linguistics

“I love you”.

I hear the words;

our shared tongue

their meaning evolves

in the space between

your lips

and my heart.

I retreat to safety

and save us both the pain

of finding out the hard way.

Pauline Brown 2019

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

better the devil

For the first time in her life, she knew what it felt like to be loved.

Bare foot, her summer dress flapping like a mangled sail, she balanced with her toes over the edge of the crumbling cliff. She humoured the fleeting notion that she was standing on the precipice of time itself, knowing that gravity could easily claim her with the next frenzied gust. For the first time in days she laughed, a caustic cry for help greedily swallowed by the yowling air.

As she leaned into the torrent it seemed that the universe wanted her to be safe. The gale force winds, menacing and erratic, somehow imbued her with a tenderness so compelling that it almost made up for decades of agonising lack.

Who could she have become had she only been allowed to flourish? What could she have achieved without the haunting certainty that she was never good enough, the unquenchable sense that she was fatally flawed? She had carried her burden like a favourite scarf, her comfort and torment both; strangled by her inability to excise the cruel legacy of having been born into discreet, well hidden toxicity.

No matter, she was here now; supported as if by nature herself, the quintessential mother figure. This was as close to acceptance that she could ever have dared dream. She felt peace steal over her aching soul.

Briefly she glanced at the rocks far below. From here they resembled grains of sand; soft and forgiving. The crashing waves soothed her, just as they had since she was a child. Before she was broken and twisted inside.

Holding her arms outstretched she let the thunderous air hold her for a few seconds more and with a contented smile, plunged determinedly into the atmosphere.

Pauline Brown 2019